Eck.
I'm scared of being thin.
But I want to be thin.

I get scared of those skinny pictures.
I don't want to become so weak.
I already feel like I'm losing control.

What I'm really scared of is: going to the hospital.
And shoveling food down my mouth.
I still eat...a lot...but not as much.

Funny how I want to become skinny, yet I want to live.
I know it might kill me, and I'm not sure if I'm willing to die.
But all I know is it controls me.

According to this evening, I'm still 87 pounds.

edit.
Okay, I've decided that I'll stop when I'm satisfied.
Which, I hope, is soon because I'm low enough.
And I can't take this; it's too hard for me to handle.
I just need to keep on excercising and "fasting".

Oh, I'm oh so happy!
I am finally 87 pounds.
My stomach is skinnier.
I'm working on my thighs.

G1: 85
G2: 80

Then, I don't know what's going to happen next.
I don't want to go to the hospital, so I don't know.
I might just keep at 80 or maybe I'll drop to 78.

I messed up real bad today. Yesterday, I hardly ate anything until 6PM. Today, I felt so freaking hungry during 1st period and started eating there... Sometimes, I can't handle the dizziness from not eating, but sometimes, I enjoy it. It makes me feel light and airy. Well, I kept on eating for the rest of the day and I ate a whole mess of calories for dinner... Real problem is: I WANT TO PURGE IT ALL OUT, BUT I CAN'T. I don't know why, though. I stared at the toilet for a long time, but I couldn't purge or anything. I haven't vomitted in over a year, and I'm scared to, anyway.

Also, I think I'll come up with rules that I can actually follow.

Food Intake
No breakfast.
No lunch.
Little snack.
Little dinner.
WATER<3 !

Excercise
x2 per day
100 bicycles
050 curl-ups
010 push-ups

Really, only the snack changed. I just can't live without snacks. I can handle the excercises, though. And I'm going to try my best to get myself purging...

STAY STRONG.

Oh yeah, about my weight: it's been going from 88 to 90. I'll be happy if I get to 87 at least...

Excersising is good for you.
Food is bad for you.

edit.

Food Intake
No breakfast.
No lunch.
No snack.
Little dinner.
WATER<3

Excercises
x2 per day
100 bicycles
050 "curl-ups"
010 push-ups

Sometimes, I want to vomit
when I'm drinking water . . .